Original MINDER Video (FAIL.)

Now you’ve seen my official MINDER book trailer, I’ll safely confess I attempted making my own video before Matthew Niemann saved me.

My poor little effort was doomed from the start. I was on day 4 of the flu. We’re talking FOUR days of hallucination fever. Hot sweats. Cold sweats. Debilitating fatigue. I could barely flip my aching body from one side to the next. It took an act of God to get up and pee. I talked to the ceiling because no one else would come near. The family stayed away because apparently, the room smelled. I’m telling you, I was SICK. But on day 4, Christopher made an announcement.

“I think your book is here.”

(he said this from the doorway)

My book.

MINDER was a Kindle book before it was page-sniffable.The fabulous Theresa Jones helped me ready it for paperback, and Amazon sent a proof copy before it went live.

My copy had arrived.

I hobbled downstairs, sweaty and pale. And then I heard the voice.

Get this on film.

I wish it said to put on some lip gloss, because I looked like ass. But I listened. I was the color of an egg yolk. But I listened.

Christopher filmed me opening, then holding, my first copy of MINDER.

My body celebrated being vertical, while my hands celebrated 8 years of -let’s just say- hard work. My heart pounded, too, but it was probably just exertion. In any case, it was emotional.

A few days later, I had the bright idea to film “scenes” from the book. Another massive fail. First off, Mercury was in retrograde. NEVER attempt anything important during mercury retrograde. Secondly, my actors (are) spazmatrons. With gas. Thirdly, I am not a film maker.

1. Every scene was interrupted. EVERY SCENE. EVERY TIME.
2. That bloody ‘H the M’ package got dropped 50 times. Do you think it EVER landed right? No. Irritation level: 10.
3. All she had to do was call for Winnie. It was the one scene that actually went according to plan. Until she farted.
4. I gave up.

In the end, I decided to put my sorry efforts together for my own gratification and set it to music that, if nothing else, would make ME smile. So I did. I toyed with making it public, but God intervened and sent the talented, uber-professional Matthew Niemann to save my reputation. Thanks, Matt.

As for my video, well. . . I’ll stick to writing. But there’s some cool orb action from 1:09-1:27 and, if you’re a total freak, some soft toot action at 1:41. It goes without saying I don’t own any rights to this music, but for the love of God, turn up your speakers.

Peace, love, and portals,
Jennifer Kabay


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