I won’t swear that we all go to our own funerals, but I swear on my life Larry Walker went to his.

I’ve had many profound experiences with the Other Side but this one was a game changer.

Why? 

Because Larry committed suicide. And people who commit suicide aren’t supposed to go to Heaven, right?  You may not believe that, but I know you’ve heard it. So let me back up a bit.

In 2003, four men broke into Larry’s house. They attacked him with a baseball bat, breaking his skull after 22 crushing blows. It’s pretty clear they intended to kill him, but he didn’t die. Not that night anyway. He played dead while they robbed his house then later managed to get rushed to the hospital but the damage was done. Larry had sustained irreversible damage to his frontal lobe.

You may know that frontal lobes are basically our emotional control centers…. our personalities are born there. Any trauma to this area profoundly changes the person we ‘are’, or in Larry’s case, was. His wife (and my dear friend Diana from whom I have implicit permission to share this story) noticed an immediate change in her long-time love.  He could no longer hold thoughts. He lacked concentration. He suffered delusions and grew dependent on pain pills. He couldn’t work or contribute in any way to their marriage. Diana said he lost all capacity to differentiate between right and wrong which perhaps, caused the worst part of his decline; because all of a sudden, along with everything else, he became violent. 

Diana wound up living with us for this reason. Through this few month period my intuition kicked into high gear. I got really uneasy whenever anyone asked me about Larry. Diana’s personal hell was not my story to share but privately, I had very uncomfortable feelings about what was to come. I have to tell you my psychic knowledge is rarely scary or ominous.  I only get ‘negative’ information when I’m supposed to warn a person or help them somehow…. suffice it to say, this was one of those warnings. And I remember it clearly. I was sitting in my living room when this horrible feeling of dread fell over me. I closed my eyes. I saw a gun. I opened my eyes then heard the gun explode in my head. My husband saw my face and asked me what was wrong. 

“Someone’s going to die,” I told him,paler than I already am, “But I don’t know if it’s Larry or Diana.”

And because I didn’t know I opted not to share this information. Diana was already grieving the loss of a man she once knew and I wasn’t about to add to it with something that may or may not come to pass….HOWEVER.

Between the time  I got this information and the time he committed suicide (less than a month later), Diana tried to move back home. And OH did I fight her. Reasoning didn’t work so I resorted to ugliness. I told her she was weak. Stupid. That I wasn’t going to be her friend anymore. I also warned that she’d no longer see my kids if she walked in that house. I still can’t believe I said those things, but please know those weren’t my words… not really. I don’t handle people or conflict this way, and looking back I know something was guiding me, making me say things Diana would react to. That same something also made me call her pastor but neither of us could stop her. She drove home anyway and sat in the car a long while before realizing she couldn’t go inside.  She said God kept her in her car and I’m so glad He did. I am wholly convinced we would have lost her too had she entered the house.

As for Larry, we found out at work. He’d situated a chair in front of his father’s painting so he could stare at it while enjoying his last glass of wine. When the glass was empty, he grabbed a handgun, his grandmother’s Bible, then lay down in bed. He shot himself through the left temple (because the right side had a metal plate) and police found him several days later. He’d left a note for Diana blaming her for everything and “congratulating” her for getting “what she wanted.”  It is a VERY fair statement to say he went out with malice.

Which is why I about fell over in my pew to see him a few days later standing behind Diana. At his funeral.

 I know I’m prone to seeing dead folk but please understand I still get overwhelmed. Especially when my experiences challenge popular belief systems.  

So do people who commit suicide go to heaven? Yes. Well…at least this man did. And Larry not only attended his funeral, he also had plenty to say. I felt like Oda Mae Brown going up to Molly after that service but thankfully Diana was receptive….you know why? Because her 10 year old grandson saw him too….so MY experience corroborated what Brandon saw. Thank you God for that tender mercy!

I’ll share what happened in my next entry.

P.S. Thank you Diana for allowing me to share your story. You are not weak or stupid and you’ll always be my friend.