Wednesday, January 6, 2021
I didn’t write yesterday because all that really happened was me waking from a recurring nightmare I’ve had since I was little: There’s a big performance. We’re talking Broadway. It’s show night. And I’m not prepared. I first had this dream in elementary school. I was naked onstage for an Annie production I was not cast in. Last night, again, I was ill-prepared. I didn’t have makeup, costume, and I didn’t know my lines. I guess it’s less nightmare and more a manifestation of my anxiety. But it’s always a show, and I’m never ready. I wish I knew what that meant. But onto the news.
I don’t remember the last time I cried at the news, but I cried today. Trump supporters wielding American and Confederate flags stormed the Capitol and busted into the Senate to deface and defile. I really don’t have words. But I feel sick. And I’m so goddamn tired of people defending this insolent behavior with bullshit cries of patriotism. And what does Trump do? That fool gets on camera and reiterates that these election results — these fucking election results they’ve counted and recounted 9,000 times — are FRAUDULENT. And then, as an afterthought, after appreciating everyone’s support for him having suffered ill-treatment by Democrats, tells everyone to go home. This, is our Commander in Chief refusing to condemn riotous, treasonous behavior. Last I heard, one lady was shot and killed. Over what.
I hope these smiling lunatics in their red hats get their mug shots blasted across the internet. I’m so sick of idiots doing and saying whatever they want with zero accountability. I’m going to workout to try and quell my anxiety. Our ridiculous excuse of a President needs to be held accountable.
Thursday, January 7, 2021
If you told me yesterday I’d poop the bed today I wouldn’t have believed you. But here we are. I started feeling bad after lunch at the library today. My pork and potatoes sat in my belly like it was angry at me. My whole body felt heavy. I ended up leaving around 3 because I felt increasingly nauseous. I came home and got horizontal as my body requested, read some rather satisfying news about Trump’s cabinet members resigning, turning on each other, and condemning his rhetoric. Too little too late, but anyway.
Christopher brought me a glass of cold lemon water and an activated charcoal pill, and I let out a little toot that was considerably more than a little toot. I shooed Christopher downstairs, stripped the bed and dumped it in the washer while running a hot bath. So I pooped myself today. But at least I didn’t storm the Capitol waving a Confederate flag. I was so disheartened yesterday. I’ve gotten in more trouble for my bra strap showing at work than these “patriots” did defiling our nation’s capitol. But today the repercussions are slowly rolling in.
The internet is identifying these people and they’re losing jobs. Even Trump did an about face and condemned their actions. But he’s not fooling anybody. People are screaming for Pence to evoke the 25th amendment. I have a little bit of empathy for Pence. I think he wants this nightmare to be over. We all do, Mister.
I hope I feel better in he morning. I’m not sure if it’s a bug or my body’s response to the state of the nation.
Friday, January 8, 2021
I called in sick this morning. I hate calling in sick. But I had weakness, fatigue, and intermittent chills, and as much as I legit wanted to be at the library today, it’d be irresponsible to go up and spread germs. I do feel better now ( it’s almost bedtime.) Last night remaking the bed I sprinkled the sheets liberally with eucalyptus and rose oils. This morning Christopher, for reasons he has prohibited me to put on paper, asked if I had put eucalyptus on the sheets.
( Cue Jerry Lee Lewis.)
So I spent the day reading and trying not to be a sanctimonious asshole on Facebook. If I spend this whole year reading, keeping my husband and kids reasonably happy, maintain this journal and pay my bills, I’ll consider it a success.
I did end up rejoining Peacock because I’m a weak ass consumer and there’s a Liverpool game coming up. Jerks. Not you, Liverpool FC. I love you. I’m talking about the greedy turds at Comcast.
You are reading entries from SHELF LIFE: My Pandemic Diary.