His Own Funeral Part 3

This entry is a continuation from His Own Funeral Parts 1 & 2. Please start here.


So I’m attending this funeral, though I wasn’t quite there if you know what I mean. My mind was another place as Larry flashed images at me. He was very insistent on this brown shirt/palm tree/smoke thing while standing there enjoying his eulogies I kid you not.

I couldn’t wait for the funeral to be over. Not because it was sad. I just wanted to tell Diana everything her dead husband was showing me!  When the service finally ended, I waited patiently as she thanked the long line of well wishers. The chapel was pretty much empty by the time my turn came  and I was glad because I didn’t want an audience for what I had to say.

I hugged her and asked if she was okay.

“No, but I’m going to be.” 

Her eyes were all watery.

“Well first off, he told me to tell you he’s with Jesus.”

Fresh tears poured down.

“I know it sounds crazy,” I held her hand, “And I hope you know I didn’t ask for this to happen.” 

 The LAST thing I wanted was for her to think I was using her husband’s funeral as an opportunity to showcase my talents… but she surprised me.

“No Jenn I believe you,” she nodded and sniffed, “Brandon saw him too.”

Umm… wha? Brandon is Diana’s youngest grandson. He has a mild form of cerebral palsy and apparently started giggling while his big brother read Scripture to the crowd.

“He was laughing and pointing above our heads while Christopher read,” she explained, “So I asked him what was so funny.”

“Grandpa’s making faces,” he giggled.

“Grandpa WHO?” she pulled his arms down.  She thought  he was talking about HER father sitting in the pew behind them. But Brandon pointed above them.

“Grandpa Larry,” Brandon smiled.

“Well there’s something else,” I said, relieved,  “And I don’t know what this means. But he kept showing me a brown shirt, some palm trees, and billowing smoke. Like cigarette smoke or something. He REALLY wanted me to bring these up to you.”

I was waiting for an a-ha! moment. But she stared at me blankly. She didn’t know what the heck I was talking about.

“He showed it to me over and over again Diana. The pictures were very clear,” I was a little disheartened, “You don’t know what that means?”

She had no clue.


 The ‘dead’ show me what they want. If the living don’t get it there’s not a whole heck of lot I can do about it except try to explain it another way but there’s danger there. If I don’t deliver the message as is there’s a risk of me contaminating it with my own interpretation then it ceases to be the original message. 

…so she didn’t get the palm tree reference but at least she knew he was there. Thank God little Brandon was there to back me up! And now we had church kitchen full of casserole, brisket, salad, rolls, cake, pie, cornbread and sweet tea to look forward to.

 I plopped  potato salad on my plate and fought off the dizziness. “Psychic comedowns” as I call them are never pleasant. It literally feels like the juices inside my cranium are sloshing around. I think the scientific explanation is that I’m using a part of my brain that doesn’t normally get exercise. So like any muscle I overextend, there’s going to be soreness. My head throbbed like you-know-what as I helped myself to cornbread then sat down with Diana. I kept rubbing my head where it hurt and Diana said that Larry used to complain of headaches in that same spot.

We ate and chatted then I went up for seconds. (I love cornbread). Toward the end of our meal Diana gasped.

“Oh Jenn.”

She dropped her fork.

“Oh Jenn. Oh Jenn.”

She looked at me wide-eyed and I grabbed her hand.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

Oh my God.”

She started crying again.

 ‘I remember now,” she wiped fresh tears, “I remember.” 

And she told me their story

Larry and Diana relaxed on a quiet Mexican beach a few years back. Larry bought himself a  new brown shirt for the occasion and they lounged beneath the palm trees… drinking, laughing,  smooching.  Larry smoked a Cuban cigar and blew rings into the sunshine. “He thought blowing smoke rings was the coolest thing ever,” she rolled her eyes and laughed. It was a beautiful afternoon and they had an amazing time. Before they got back on their boat, Larry told her it was the happiest day of their marriage.

And he was asking her to remember it now.

 She’d completely forgotten about that day and I, of course, knew nothing about it.  But Larry hadn’t forgotten.

And that’s all he wanted her to remember.

The good times.


His Own Funeral Part 2

This entry is a continuation from His Own Funeral Part 1, which you can read here.

So where were we?

Yes. The Funeral.

As soon as I walked in the sanctuary I felt Spirit, and it felt very, very good. And just so you know, I use the word ‘Spirit’ when referring to the presence of dead people. Spirit can feel really, really amazing or really really (terribly) bad. Spirit feels so good sometimes I confuse them with angels, whom have their own special category. The way I know for sure they’re Angels vs. Spirit is that angels are accompanied by little flashes or sparkles of light. But we’ll get into that later.

Also, me saying “there’s Spirit in the room” is very general because I don’t know if there’s one or a hundred of them. I just know something’s there. I assume the stronger the feeling, the more of them there are, but that’s not always the case. I get details like male/female, name and physicality only if they want me too or I try really hard to “tap in”.

Clear as mud?

So I walked down the narrow aisle noticing Diana and her family in the first few pews on the left hand side. I took a seat across the aisle from them and sat in silence, wondering why it felt so dang good in there. Communicating with the Other Side was the last thing on my mind so Larry had to try a few different things to get my attention.

I watched people filling the pews. They sniffed discreetly, dabbing their eyes while contemporary Christian music played overhead. Folks lined up to hug Diana, and I watched their mouths moving, whispering sympathies. It was like some strange video, because with me a delicious euphoria was seeping in, filling up my psyche and energizing my cells. When I am SUPER tapped in, this happens. And it was totally happening. I closed my eyes, rather enjoying myself in the grief filled space. I think I even smiled.

And then he appeared.

 A man.

 Behind my closed eyes.

Just so you know, clairvoyance isn’t just closing your eyes and imagining something. It’s not like looking at a picture where the image is flat and clear. (Well maybe it is for some people) but for me it’s like the negative of a photograph, but in 3-D. It’s outlines and silhouettes. And behind closed eyes I clearly ‘saw’  the outline of a man wearing a brown shirt and he was trying to get my attention. I thought to myself, not now. Please not now. Twas not the time nor place—but Mr. Brown shirt was pushy.

He started flashing images at me.

Palm trees. Cigar. Laughter.

Warm feelings of perfect love spread over me.

Intense laughter. Smoke shooting out someone’s nose. A kiss.

I opened my eyes and looked at Diana, feeling absolutely DRUNK with love. And then I saw him again, this time outside myself. He was standing behind her. And I’d never seen anything like him. Even by ghostly standards this is hard to describe, but I’ll try.

Imagine a completely invisible man (i.e. nothing at all I guess.)

Got it?

Now imagine that invisible man covered in clear gel.

This is the best I could find:

(See him?)

His outline was faint, but his very slight movements created blurry breaks in the atmosphere that allowed me to see his hands on her shoulders. And it was definitely a he and not a she; I distinguish male and female energy with my eyes closed the same way your eyeballs know the difference between day and night. But I still didn’t know who this was and had NO clue what the palm tree/cigar thing was about. I just prayed I didn’t look like a total nut job staring wide-eyed at the space behind her while some ghost whispered random crap at me.

Please know this was a totally weird experience…. even for me. Sure I see dead folk a lot, but they’re typically fleeting. And I see them for a flash, as they were on earth, often in motion. Half the time they disappear so quickly I wonder if I made the whole thing up. But this guy was hanging out. We had mutual awareness of each other and I knew he had something to say. And because I knew he was from a good place, I took it a step further and closed my eyes.

 “Who are you and what do you want me to do?” I asked silently.

A different man’s picture flashed behind my closed eyes. It was literally a picture of a man’s head…his profile actually. He had shoulder length wavy hair and his outline looked familiar.

What’s the message?” I asked in my brain voice, acknowledging the picture.

 The image got bolder and I knew who it was.

Tell her I’m with Jesus.”

I opened my eyes.

I remember gripping the pew to stabilize myself because I nearly slumped over. You must know it’s really hard for someone like me to subscribe to organized religion. I have a ton of faith and swear by prayer but I find it difficult to believe that God favors one people over another.  I’m not sharing this to spark some religious debate so please spare me this in the comments. I’m just saying this experience was in NO WAY a reflection of my personal beliefs at the time; Jesus flashing in front of my eyes was no psychosomatic assumption based on my own perceptions of Heaven. Got me?

But Larry was VERY clear. He wanted me to tell Diana he was with Jesus and she looked at me right at that moment. I had no choice.

Larry is here,” I mouthed. I still couldn’t believe it. She was going to flip.

Her forehead wrinkled. She had no clue what I was saying.

“Laarrry is heerre,” I tried again, moving my lips as discreetly as possible.

She shook her head, her lips forming a “what?”

“Laaarrryyyy is HEEERREE,” I mouthed, my finger pointing urgently to the space behind her.

“Larry’s here?!?” she gasped.

(Yes. She actually said this out loud and I about died.)

…and I’m realizing how long this is getting. So I will finish later.  Oh, and this is very close to the image he showed me:

Please hang with me. The end of this story is SO worth it.

I swear.

His Own Funeral Part 1

I won’t swear that we all go to our own funerals, but I swear on my life Larry Walker went to his.

I’ve had many profound experiences with the Other Side but this one was a game changer.


Because Larry committed suicide. And people who commit suicide aren’t supposed to go to Heaven, right?  You may not believe that, but I know you’ve heard it. So let me back up a bit.

In 2003, four men broke into Larry’s house. They attacked him with a baseball bat, breaking his skull after 22 crushing blows. It’s pretty clear they intended to kill him, but he didn’t die. Not that night anyway. He played dead while they robbed his house then later managed to get rushed to the hospital but the damage was done. Larry had sustained irreversible damage to his frontal lobe.

You may know that frontal lobes are basically our emotional control centers…. our personalities are born there. Any trauma to this area profoundly changes the person we ‘are’, or in Larry’s case, was. His wife (and my dear friend Diana from whom I have implicit permission to share this story) noticed an immediate change in her long-time love.  He could no longer hold thoughts. He lacked concentration. He suffered delusions and grew dependent on pain pills. He couldn’t work or contribute in any way to their marriage. Diana said he lost all capacity to differentiate between right and wrong which perhaps, caused the worst part of his decline; because all of a sudden, along with everything else, he became violent. 

Diana wound up living with us for this reason. Through this few month period my intuition kicked into high gear. I got really uneasy whenever anyone asked me about Larry. Diana’s personal hell was not my story to share but privately, I had very uncomfortable feelings about what was to come. I have to tell you my psychic knowledge is rarely scary or ominous.  I only get ‘negative’ information when I’m supposed to warn a person or help them somehow…. suffice it to say, this was one of those warnings. And I remember it clearly. I was sitting in my living room when this horrible feeling of dread fell over me. I closed my eyes. I saw a gun. I opened my eyes then heard the gun explode in my head. My husband saw my face and asked me what was wrong. 

“Someone’s going to die,” I told him,paler than I already am, “But I don’t know if it’s Larry or Diana.”

And because I didn’t know I opted not to share this information. Diana was already grieving the loss of a man she once knew and I wasn’t about to add to it with something that may or may not come to pass….HOWEVER.

Between the time  I got this information and the time he committed suicide (less than a month later), Diana tried to move back home. And OH did I fight her. Reasoning didn’t work so I resorted to ugliness. I told her she was weak. Stupid. That I wasn’t going to be her friend anymore. I also warned that she’d no longer see my kids if she walked in that house. I still can’t believe I said those things, but please know those weren’t my words… not really. I don’t handle people or conflict this way, and looking back I know something was guiding me, making me say things Diana would react to. That same something also made me call her pastor but neither of us could stop her. She drove home anyway and sat in the car a long while before realizing she couldn’t go inside.  She said God kept her in her car and I’m so glad He did. I am wholly convinced we would have lost her too had she entered the house.

As for Larry, we found out at work. He’d situated a chair in front of his father’s painting so he could stare at it while enjoying his last glass of wine. When the glass was empty, he grabbed a handgun, his grandmother’s Bible, then lay down in bed. He shot himself through the left temple (because the right side had a metal plate) and police found him several days later. He’d left a note for Diana blaming her for everything and “congratulating” her for getting “what she wanted.”  It is a VERY fair statement to say he went out with malice.

Which is why I about fell over in my pew to see him a few days later standing behind Diana. At his funeral.

 I know I’m prone to seeing dead folk but please understand I still get overwhelmed. Especially when my experiences challenge popular belief systems.  

So do people who commit suicide go to heaven? Yes. Well…at least this man did. And Larry not only attended his funeral, he also had plenty to say. I felt like Oda Mae Brown going up to Molly after that service but thankfully Diana was receptive….you know why? Because her 10 year old grandson saw him too….so MY experience corroborated what Brandon saw. Thank you God for that tender mercy!

I’ll share what happened in my next entry.

P.S. Thank you Diana for allowing me to share your story. You are not weak or stupid and you’ll always be my friend.